3 years, 3 months, or 3 minutes?

In the interest of time and me adding a lot more onto life’s plate, I’ll be keeping my posts under 800 words. Don’t get me wrong, I love long-form stuff, but the construct of time and responsibility won’t play nice with me. As such, I plan on posting twice as frequently. We’ll see how this goes. If it sucks, back 1000 words we go.

Nice try Word Press, but I’ve been on this monolith of a platform for 11 years, not 7. Alas, all is forgiven since I’ve had about three or four accounts in that span, with the current one being the longest I suppose.

Modern dating is weird. It really is and I don’t think some of us realize this because it’s been a slow transition into normalcy. I happened to have a lively and intimate chat with a friend of mine over the weekend about the state of dating because I’ve since been back on the scene for about 3 weeks now. He offered his sincerest apologies in regards to the Great Ghost of 2018, which I thoroughly appreciated. It sucked, but life goes on.

To that end, we began to dissect the faculties that prompts such actions: ghosting, slow fading, unrealistic expectations (both internal and external), the commodification of the dating sphere, the increased need for instant gratification (and the high felt on receipt), and a whole litany of other phenomena germane to dating in 2018.

The common thread, for me, was the the intense lack of empathy and respect for cultivating new relationships and interaction with strangers. Because online dating makes finding people ordering shit from Amazon , the stakes are significantly lower. Back before anyone could swipe on a few dozen people and get a date that week, courtship required some real effort because suitors and beaus weren’t waiting around to get swiped on.

On top of that, communication happened at a glacial pace in the 18th century and a snail’s pace in the first half of the 20th. Nobody was sending “WYD?” letters that took 3 months to receive on average. There was a sense of appreciation, anticipation, and adoration when people got these things. And if you fucked up in a previous letter? Oh, that person was made for months on end until it got clarified.

For all intents and purposes, it just made sense to be forthcoming with someone you connected with back then because who knows when the next would happen? And who wants to go through such an arduous process like this on the regular? The real meat is that people were given time to digest the ideas that were presented to them on a piece of parchment. They could take notes and re-read it, smell the perfume or cologne, and fantasize how their lady kissed the letter, etching the braille of her lips in the corner. Now that’s fucking romantic.

Now, motherfuckers feel a way when I don’t reply in 15 minutes. Or don’t comment on their post in a few hours. Or, to put it simply, validate their existence on a regular basis. That’s one of many things wrong with modern dating and to a large extent, social media. Addiction to the high of validation, to mask insecurities and divert attention away from the ugliness festering in people’s lives that they probably should address is detriment to forging real connections out here.

But let me see how many likes and DM’s I get for this thirst trap tho. – IG Hopeful

I won’t lie, modern dating is a hell of lot more efficient than the minesweeper of meeting people in the wild. I’m a fan of chance encounters, but how often is that person single and looking? I know who’s single when I’m on these apps, no guesswork required. But I also know that I can’t completely convey why someone should fuck with me in 500 characters. Neither is better than the other inherently. It boils down to “what playing field can I tolerate?”

I’ve always been one for quality over quantity, in just about every aspect of life. Fortunately, there are some apps dedicated to wholesome connections over match mills. Especially at this stage of my life, I really don’t have time for bullshit and women that are still “finding themselves.” Done are the days of being a trial run or another rung in the ladder of lessons.

I’m very black and white about these things now because half-stepping leads to nowhere fast. Sure, dating in 2018 is more efficient and maybe more fun for some, but whenever speed is prioritized with something so delicate like human relationships, something special is always lost.