Two and half hours later, my hair is looking, feeling, and smelling a lot better. In order to keep looking like a lion, I gotta pay my month dues I suppose. Ironically enough, having this much hair has improved my faculties of patience; I didn’t think that was possible, but here I am.
Follicle fun times aside, I’ve been pondering something I find interesting when it comes to relationships of all kinds, but I only feel like entertaining the romantic notion of this. Long-distance scenarios are much less a test of patience than it is a test of self-control and going against nature. Up until recently, I was pretty anti long-distance relationships because I’m very out of sight, out of mind. And if I was going to put forth the effort that relationships require, I wanted the tactile rewards of the flesh on-demand. Not because I’d go out and find it elsewhere, but because physicality is important to me. That’s the bonding agent for the spiritual and mental connection. Ideas can be sexy (they definitely are), but everything is better when I can match the thoughts floating around in my beau’s noggin to the rest of her.
Granted, this was me a year or so ago. Instant feedback and regular validation was something I needed more than I cared to admit because I was in a shit place by my standards. Taking how much I’ve growth since then, my current situation, and my opinion on relationships in general these days, I can’t say I’m so hard and fast on long-distance.
But there’s something that needs be differentiated first: entering a new relationship as a long-distance one versus continuing one as a long-distance engagement.
In the current social climate with the advent of Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid and their ilk, online relationship aren’t weird anymore. In fact, that’s probably going to be more so the future of dating for young people and youngish professionals such as myself. It’s like going to the store to pick out something you think you’ll like. The Costco of consummation if you will. I’m not going to go too far into this, but suffice to say, people are having relationships at all kinds of proximity levels. That’s the key thread though: proximity.
Somebody could truly be the bee’s knees, but starting something with them being hundreds or thousands of miles away is going to be markedly harder for me if I find somebody comparable that’s 10 miles away. There’s just no contest with that if I’m looking to be with someone. Girl A can’t compete with my ability to hangout with Girl B at my leisure when Girl A is thousands of miles away. It’s no one’s fault either, that’s just logistics and nature at work. I mean Girl A could throw it back for me on Skype, but Girl B can drop it like it’s hot and I’ll actually start sweating. Of course this is assuming I’m actively in the dating game, which I’m not and will probably never be in again, which will be another post. But I digress.
When we’re talking about doing long-distance with someone I’ve been with for X number of years, the playing field is completely different and admittedly, easier. We were already a team that was in proximity and I can channel a lot of those memories to stay connected over the expanse of land, air or sea. I also imagine visits would be regular enough to sate both of our physical needs. And for me, so long as there’s daily communication with a longer session every now and then via video chat or the phone, I’m coolin’. In this scenario, I’m sure I could do it without much of a hassle if we’re both putting our best feet forward.
I’ll level with you guys though, I’m in a similar situation as the first example. Granted, I have no expectations and honestly believe it’s transient thing right now. She popped up some months ago, giving me some hard IOIs (Indicators of Interest) and admittedly I was very confused as to what was going on. I don’t exchange hearts and heart-eyes with women on the first encounter so I didn’t really know how to respond and chose to ignore it.
But I was intrigued, I won’t lie. I sent an email as invitation for discussion about various topics. It was well received and we shared a lot of similar thoughts. It kind of scary to know that somebody saw things the way I did in regard to 90% of the topics we landed on (relationships, obviously). My fondness grew and as did hers I imagine, but this has peaked at wishful admiration for now. I got nothing but love for her and I genuinely enjoy interacting with her, but I have no delusions about the reality. She might even have a harem of dudes, who knows. Proximity applies to me as well. I can’t and won’t compete with all that. I’ll cross that bridge if I ever decide to come to it.
The funniest part was my flash of jealousy and frustration when I misread something she said in a link of our email chain. This was prior to my “enlightenment,” mind you. In that moment, I felt stupid for allowing myself to develop budding feelings for someone I had never met. So I was petty and didn’t reply for a while, only to re-read that email, discovering that I was in fact, being a little bitch. The mind is a dangerous weapon; especially when paired with desire.
At any rate, I’ve had tons of internet friends and online romances across varying distances and while these were all real people, they weren’t real to me. Meaning that their existence was purely at my digression a lot of the time. If we didn’t interact, they weren’t here. Sure I thought about the ones in romantic scenarios, but there was rarely an impetus for me to invest more than a few minutes of them being on my mind. If they were in a legitimate proximity, yeah, we would meet and then take it from there. If not, then it was what it was.
For the present, I have no idea what’s going to happen with her. It’s understood that if we ever meet, shit would pop off. I’m not even going to deny that. We’re just on the same level in too many ways honestly. It’s lowkey scary. Now, whether we meet or not, that’s on her. I already said I’m down with it, but there’s a handful of requisites that need to happen prior. I can’t imagine she’s a catfish, but it’s important to see if the chemistry translates beyond text messages and memes. At the end of the day, it’s of no consequence to me what happens. Either we continue to exchange essence or it fizzles out. I’ve been fairly transparent about my ambivalence, I think. New, wholesome friends are always welcome.
Even still, It’s cool to have a kindred spirit with potential for something more out there. Will I pursue it? Hmm, I think y’all forgot about #sitback2018.