Another year has passed friends. So you know what that means. New gym goers that will quit in February, the same people that claimed they were “on the come up” last year have copy-pasted that status, a handful of folks are “cutting off negativity” for the 5th year in a row, and a litany of promises that will be broken at various points in 2018. Yes, that definitely smells like the New Year . All this facetiousness does beg the question though; what am I changing for 2018?
The answer is simple really: not a god-damn thing. The better question is, “what am I starting, stopping, or continuing in 2018?” You see, change implies an overhaul of something that wasn’t working in totality, which is rarely the case for a lot of people. Most of the time there are aspects that aren’t working and those need tweaking. These tweaks fall into those 3 mentioned categories. Additionally, change is such a vague and weak word that it’s a cop out in a lot of cases.
No shade to my boy Obama, but I can change a lot of things, but it’s the specificity that’s important. It’s easy to be unfaithful to change because it’s often nebulous. I can say “I’m gonna change my diet.” Cool, but how? “I’m gonna stop eating out so often and start cooking more.” Starting, stopping, and continuing are more definitive. I know exactly what’s happening when I do either of those three versus just “changing” something. I’m not hating on change nor I do believe it’s ineffective; I just believe that there has to be something actionable behind it beyond speaking it into the world.
But I’m not getting on my soap box today about it this. Back to this here new year. 2017 was a doozy of a year for me no doubt. I can think on multiple situations and occassions where I just was not having it. And even more where life couldn’t get any better. Now that I’ve stumbled upon this new chapter in 2018, in a cold-ass environment no less, it’s going to be interesting to say the least. I also had the most adult moment ever this past weekend… I bought a large floor rug for my living room. And it wasn’t even premeditated or a whim decision. It was out of necessity. Buying an $80 rug just made sense as I was standing there in IKEA trying to figure out just who the hell I am buying rugs and shit. A turning point in my adulting adventures no doubt. Still not sure how I feel about whole enterprise, but the rug is really nice.
To the point of plans and whatnot, I’ve created a list of goals, aspirations and actionable items for the next couple months. The next step to give myself deadline so I don’t fall into that “I’ll do it next week” pitfall that’s ever so common. Then I realized I need a giant white board because I’m a millennial and that’s apparently how we communicate ideas these days. Plus, how cool would it be to just come home every day and look at a giant-ass whiteboard that may or may not have stuff on it? Lit. In any case, my life is becoming akin to the RPGs I’ve played hundreds of times over and I know how to prioritize (for the most part).
The only hangup is my purchasing power, which has increased dramatically and I’m still wary about buying stuff…only to find out that my IKEA bender didn’t even dent my stash. And I have nearly 11 grand worth of credit at my disposal. The struggle bus has taught me well, but it’s time to get off and enjoy myself just a tad more. Just a smidge really. Because sitting on greenbacks doesn’t make sense. I don’t think money has a collector’s value outside of an IRA or investment accounts. But it’s a razor’s edge when it comes to spending and saving. Money is a tool to be traded for shit that you want, but also the lifeblood of well…life. Can’t really survive without it if you plan to be a part of “modern society”.
At any rate, this next stage of adulting is something else. The budgeting, the planning, figuring out stuff I haven’t had to think about in a long time or ever for that matter. The real slap is the choices I have to make when it comes what I want to spend time on. And feelings of inadequacy if I’m idle on the internet for longer than 15 minutes. I got this thinking like “Shit, I could have spent that 30 minutes derping on reddit getting X Y or Z done, damnit.” It’s reminiscent of my undergrad years trying to juggle studying, a social life, and setting myself up for success after I was spat out of the educational system. It’s harder now because there’s no real consequence for not doing some things. So long as bills are paid, who cares? For me, it’s super easy to get complacent so I’m trying my best to remain engaged with my own life as sad as that sounds. I have this list of goals that’s gonna require me to get off my ass and get shit done.
So navigating the “I made it boiz” adult life is a challenge. Probably more challenging considering I’m out here coughing up organs because I’m literally out of my element. -1 degree weather…from 60 plus on the regular, on top of crappy sleep (my fault), and a meh diet (also my fault). But after focusing on getting better, I’m gonna really kick it into high gear. I’m planning to have my whole list completed by March 15th. I just came up with that deadline actually so now I have something to be accountable for, wooo responsibility.
And what would a yearly re-cap be without a fond recounting of the shitshow that is was my love life in 2017. And it really wasn’t a shitshow objectively. Just personally for me I felt there were a lot of missteps and fuck-ups on my part that could have been handled better, but I’m glad it went the way it did. I gained a new sense of self and general confidence in my “dateability” if you will. I believe I’m at the tail end of knowing what I want and what I don’t want, but I’m not 100% on what the best methods to achieve that are per se. Online dating is the all the rage and the obvious answer. On paper, it’s the best option for an introvert such as myself.
It’s like grocery shopping for potential mates on my own terms. The problem is the amount of time I have to spend curating because I’m one picky asshat. And that’s not a self-deprecating knock against myself. I think it’s important to be picky as possible, because exerting that emotional energy is hard and I don’t have much real estate as I’ve mentioned prior, so I rather spend the time making sure whoever I’m about to let up in my life is not a piece of shit. And as I approach terminal velocity to 30 years of age, my number of fucks to give has dwindled to just about nothing. So it’s tiring as hell and annoying after a while. Again, so much of the “dating” time could be spent on improving my own life and accomplishing some goals. Then again, that “dating” time is useful for narrowing down my tastes and figuring out who I ultimately can deal with on a daily basis. Hell, I might even get lucky.
Long story short, I’m not in the market for a honeydip officially, but I am open to the prospect should it happen in the wild. And honestly I’d prefer it that way. My best relationships have come from falling into them in the first place so if I ain’t broke, let’s try not to break it more. Plus my place isn’t ready for women yet. I’m thinking after all this god damn snow goes away I’ll be ready for other people in my space. For now, I’m gonna have a fling with IKEA. The only pain I’ll experience is frustration and a splinter or two. Pretty good deal honestly.
All in all, 2017 was alright for me personally. The last 2 months made up for the whole year and 2018 is gonna be weird, depending on how lit I wanna make it.