This is what it’s all about. My mom and step-dad are giggling in the next room as I sit here typing away on my sister’s bed that I’ve been sleeping in for the past couple days. The love is tangible up in here, it’s beautiful. Still figuring out how/when I’m going to see the kid, but I’m not particularly worried. If I don’t see her on my birthday, I’ll see her on Christmas at the very least. Or just kidnap her, because why not.
Apparently it’s my birthday as indicated by Christmas Eve. I’m not entirely sure how to feel. I guess it’s cool. But I’ve been enjoying myself quite a bit these past couple days with family and friends. That’s the real gift to me. I don’t think I’ve actually asked for a specific gift in years, unless I was asked directly. Even then, I rarely know what I want. 95% of the time it’s nothing because between Amazon Prime and bi-weekly paychecks, every day can be Christmas. Seeing as how you can’t buy quality time, that’s all I’m about these days. Share your chillax with me friends.
A lot has transpired since my last trip around the sun on this dirt ball. This exact moment, one year ago, I was in LA per usual. I got some birthday hanky panky from whoever I was messing with at that time if I recall correctly, after going out for food earlier. Now I’m single as shit yet loving every second of it, with a baller new job, and new appreciation for being alive. That quiet desperation and biting existential apprehension about my future is long gone. Well not completely, but drastically reduced in any case.
I made it y’all. I took that leap of “hope this shit works out” and it did. Couldn’t have done it alone and I’m eternally grateful for my support system; y’all know who y’all are. The victories in my life thus far are your victories too. As the final hours of me being 27 wind down, I feel clarity washing over me in a real way.
This week was the first week I actually spent a significant amount of time just hanging out with my grandparents and it was amazing. It’s so fascinating to see two people, who know each other so intricately, interact in the world as two halves of the same coin. The banter, the energy, the love…there’s nothing more genuine on this Earth. Maybe that’s what I’m holding out for, I dunno. But you definitely don’t get to that point overnight. We’re talking decades upon decades of work.
Allegedly, I have two more years before “everything clicks” as they say. Which I interpret as, I have two more years to really be on some other shit, whatever that entails. Part of me feels like I’m already there though. Like, I’ve achieved the core of “adulting.” All the requisites are secured: job, car, place.
The main quest for that story arc is complete as far as I’m concerned. I’ve been informed that the next side quest is “Where the hoes at?” but I think I’ll untrack that one for now. “Create an actual home” seems like more fun and practical. Can’t be inviting people over with my place looking I just moved in that week, 6 months after the fact.
What I truly want for my birthday, outside of a big booty ho (hi 2 Chainz), is for everybody to be good. I want everybody out here winning with the fam and genuinely having a great time getting their bonding on. That’s it. If everyone is where they want to be, with who they want to be, and doing what they want to do, I’m coolin’. Connecting with people is worth more than picking presents. There will always be shit to buy, American consumerism makes sure of that.
The same deals this week will be available next week, let’s be real here. The same people here this week might not be here next week, like me. That’s why I try to soak up as much quality time as possible. Everybody out here tryna make moves and in the pursuit of that, we sometimes pass each other up.
I’m certainly guilty of such a thing. I’ve tried to make a concerted effort remain in people’s periphery because I love to do the opposite. It’s so easy for me to get wrapped up and consumed by furthering myself, I often let my connections fall by the wayside. And I’m always conscious of it yet I choose to ignore the correct course of action more often than not. I speak it into existence, “I should call so-and-so” then I don’t do it. Because rationalizing something I should be doing gives me a chance to find reasons not to. Impulse is difficult for me, which becomes easier after each shot of scotch whiskey, but I digress.
At this very moment, I am thinking about someone I said I was going to call nearly two weeks ago when they popped into my head. Naturally, it’s too late now, but every time they crossed my mind, I said “Oh, I’ll call them tomorrow.” Then two weeks happened and I’ve yet to hit the call button. I’ll call them next week. I promise.
So much to my chagrin and aversion to anything phone related, I’ve been forcing myself to stay connected. And truly that’s been the theme of my personal year: connections. Connecting with myself, connecting with other people, connecting with bullshit I refused to deal with, I mean the list goes on. But I had to connect with the good, the bad, and the fuck-that-noise. It was imperative to my personal growth. And I’m still growing as all living things should be. Where I’m growing, I have a good idea of that. Who I get tangled with along the way, fuck if I know.
What I do know is that time-zone adjustments are ass. At least it’s 60+ degree during the day. I’m not looking forward to return to the “real” winter that’s probably buried my car, 2000 miles away. Post womb-life ain’t all that bad though, all things considered.