The Fast and Delirious

They really need to have mandatory classes on credit, loans, and ownership. I don’t want to imagine how a new booty 18-year-old would navigate such a mire of madness. I barely got through it myself. The only reason my credit is pretty decent is because I watched a lot of people fuck theirs up. Not a bad reflection on them or their character, but lessons were learned. Despite this, I am excited for some newness is my life in the form of a certain automobile. It’s hard to find reputable and honest dealer folk, but through an interesting series of events I was able to get a hookup of sorts. I did go on a test drive spree which was especially weird because dude literally gave me the keys and told me to have fun. Through my limited dealership experience, I assumed that the salesperson was supposed to be in the car with you. Clearly things are different on this side of the country and I like it. Or maybe that’s because I came in good company. Whatever the case, I enjoyed flooring it up and down the empty roadways. I can’t have a V8 or anything higher, I’d get in trouble and/or be wrapped around a pole somewhere. That inner speed demon of mine always wants to get out when presented with a situation so it’s a bit of a struggle. There’s something really addicting about power and control with such a mechanical beast.

As a first-time car-buyer/leaser, coming into the dealership was a task as I’ve been inundated with horror story after horror story of scumbag salespeople, frothy finance folk, and other predatory pencil pushers foaming at the mouth for a closed deal. Conventional 2017 wisdom is to negotiate via phone or email before stepping foot in the dealership as one (me) can be very susceptible to the fantasy of a shiny new car, especially when you get to take it for a spin. You start getting attached and shit. That LED odometer almost got me, almost. Coming from the perma-used car life mentality, it’s really easy to see why people are so into hopping from one car to the next. It’s fun to get new driving experiences like that and really sample human ingenuity across a range of automotive strata. Thing is, it’s not a sustainable habit unless you got it like that. Frankly, I wouldn’t bother with a new car, but the cost of bringing my Panda Mobile 2000 miles — with all the repairs it needs – would cost as much as year and a half lease on a new car. So the choice was pretty clear. I’ll go ahead and join the car-note club for now.

I am looking forward to listening to more than the two CDs I’ve had on repeat (or just deafening silence) for 3 years now. Music gets exponentially more important to me as the years go on so my ears will appreciate the mobile turn up. It’s non-negotiable these days to be honest. I don’t plan on being that guy with my car rattling, but I do plan on confusing a lot of people by blasting Suicide Silence with a dashiki on. Something, something contrarian.

There’s something to be said about mobility and freedom. I’m the worst person when it comes to asking for help (unless I’m about to die) so I am eternally grateful for my peoples that have been toting me around when things get dire. I certainly plan on repaying and paying that forward. New car smell for everyone. Once again, Jodie Mitchell has yet to tell a lie; you don’t know what you have until it’s gone or too expensive to bring with you. My Chevrolegs™ have been doing work, but there’s only so far I can go in a reasonable amount of time. I like roleplaying like we’re in the 1650s as much as the next guy, but I got shit to do fam. Despite my (non) pedestrian struggles of nearly getting hit by every other car trying to turn right or playing chicken with “Don’t Walk” signs, there’s a lot to glean from being forced into a 3-4 MPH situation.

Walking around my immediate neighborhood area has afforded me a lot of information I would have otherwise missed. I don’t have examples on hand because I’m too hungry to really think, but suffice to say the details are in the devil possessing my feet. One thing of note is the frequency of horn honking and generally impatient drivers. A weird observation coming from an LA native sure, but it can get pretty heated out here. I’ve seen salty drivers on the regular step out of their cars to argue further about wiper fluid transgressions, rogue cigarette butts, and Trump/Hilary/Bernie bumper stickers. Beyond me why anyone would spend time doing all that, but the ego is a powerful thing I suppose.

Just realized today marks two months of being not-in-LA. Not sure that’s a cause for celebration or copious amount of booze (probably), but time sure as shit flies. Next thing I know I’ll be bitching about snow, icy roads, frozen toes, and my heating bill. Yeah, I’m dead.