3-Day intros for $132 Alex

I was parked in the most uncomfortable chair this side of the Hudson. Or wherever these damn lakes are. My plan was to do a daily post on my exploits here in Michigan, but as usual, things got slightly crazy. The debrief is coming, but I must first address the economics of this magical place. I got a breakfast sandwich of comparable size and a “small” drink of 32oz for about $6.50…in downtown Detroit…at a fancy hub center. This same course of action would have be fairly pricey like the yogurt parfait and ghetto Frap I got from Coffee Bean at LAX: $13 dollars. So on that alone I’m pretty fucking sold fam.

But let us get into what’s transpired since Wednesday. Outside of the “omg, where are you going?!” Snaps and texts, it’s been standard. I hate the Phoenix airport though. What an unorganized clown fiesta. But it was that or arrive at like midnight. I’m a courteous summuma bitch (Hi Bernie Mac). Didn’t want to scam my homeboy when he had work the next morning. I thought I was going to get destroyed by jet lag; I did, but it wasn’t so bad. Well this schizophrenic weather surely doesn’t help either. 88 degrees one day, then 40 degrees the next. I’m gonna be pissed if I get sick. But yeah, my peeps hooked it up with a baller ass Italian spot. Blueberries and goat cheese is my new obsession. Then we ended up at the crib and chilled. All the while, I was chatting up ol girl. We’ll call her the Vibe Vixen. Pretty refreshing to have my phone semi-lit again as it was lowkey dry af post “bae-in-training fiasco” I’ve yet to disclose. In time, I’ll lay it down.

Though that’s a true indicator of where I stand in someone’s life; I’m constantly reminded that prospects are never in short supply. Fire honey dips pop up just about anywhere. Not gonna spend too long on all that. People gon do what people gon do.

At any rate, VV and I talked on the phone for nearly 2 hours the night before my flight, an unprecedented scenario as I am not a phone person by any means, but certain people can make me look like a hypocrite. We vibed something serious and it was pretty dope. Fast-forward to Wednesday night, I’m sitting in her car through an exchange of events both gruesome (she witnessed a near death scenario) and endearing. Though the best part was my friend me the house key in case things escalated. A smart move because I didn’t want to be that that guy calling at 3am talking about “Brooo, let me in tho.” Nothing happened though; we just chilled, talked, and people watched. Getting the skins is rarely a goal of mine because I’m too paranoid. We were lowkey voyeurs as we sat in front of the apartment complex facing this lady’s bed room window. I mean it was wide open, no blinds, and the light on full brightness. She eventually came down to confirm our level of creep. She tried to play it off with “Oh sorry, just want to see if I can see my window from the parking lot.” Right.

Then we witnessed a dude with his baby momma doing his fatherly duties. About 45 minutes later, he came back to his car and sat there for a while. VV was like, “he prolly getting high,” to which I replied, “that baby mama drama be stressful.” Come to find out, as dude rolled his windows down, he indeed took some serious gas to the face. The struggle. Keep in mind this was the first time we met in person so the circumstances were interesting to say the least. After our hangout sesh, she drops me off at my friends’ place where I spy that his car is gone. A peculiar scenario as I have his house key. Then cascades a slew of “oh shit” and anxiety as I was pretty convinced somebody stole his car. Of course, he pulls up as I’m trying to formulate a plan of explanation for this missing car. VV is sitting there prolly thinking I’m off my meds.  Crisis averted and all that. Apparently, he just made a store run and left the door unlocked. The LA in me couldn’t really wrap my head around the concept of unlocked doors when you’re not at home… Much like sleeping with the windows open… in the living room. Paranoia was certainly on deck that night. 80 degrees or not.

On Thursday I hit the ground running filling out apps like a madman. And by madman I mean I spent an hour and a half trying to find my resume that I wanted to use. Eventually I realized I could just download them from my sent emails folder. 20 apps later, my friend makes it home from work and we shoot the shit about various things. His gf was dealing with some bullshit at work so we employed operation Wingstop for maximum cheering up. And of course, there’s drama soon as we walk in. Not even three minutes into waiting to pick up the order, this lady was legit trying to get a refund for a Styrofoam cup. Apparently, she really needed that dollar-fifty. But it being a part of a combo, made such a thing impossible so the employees offer a bottled water as restitution. The lady cops an attitude, huffs up a storm then concedes defeat by taking the water.

Personally, I was ready for a shouting match, but there was too much eye rolling and loud sighing; my free show denied yet again. After that fiasco, we have our family dinner with me being the moody teen, as my homies discuss work politics and shenanigans. 40 wings, Jamaica ginger ales, and a basket of soggy fries later, the it is take over. But a Target mission was needed. I think we rolled out about two hours after the proposed time because low lights, fat bellies, and warm weather is a perfect recipe for inaction.

The night was pretty uneventful overall. All was relatively Gucci in my book, but I was planning on being up at the ass-crack of dawn with my peoples. I’m about to wind all the way down then VV gives me a call. I guess it’s chill. I answer and we talk for an hour or so. During this conversation, I’m watching the clock because it was already late. Fortunately, we both were tired as shit so the dialogue ended amicably. I’m still jelly she got free ice cream though.

On Friday I found myself sneaking into an event of a certain automotive company. Button ups and confidence go a long way clearly. I would have tried to finesse some contacts through my (not) legendary networking skills, but I kind of needed my cover. I mean I could have explored downtown Detroit…if it wasn’t cold and I wasn’t lazy as shit. I did have the privilege to crash a presentation about LinkedIn and gained one useful take away: Don’t copy/paste your resume (now). Which is weird because the whole platform was marketed as an online resume service and showcase years ago. Now it’s at the forefront of just about every job prospect I give a shit about (even the ones I don’t). This, all thanks to Microsoft, is now the litmus by which everyone in the job hunt struggle must live by.

Sterile, clean, and calculated profiles aren’t hip anymore. It’s recommended to treat it as a shitty annual work potluck with some crappy one-liners, open bars, and awkward scenarios involving ploys to escape drinking with my boss. Can’t say I’m a super fan of LinkedIn’s prevalence. Especially with Microsoft’s acquisition of the whole enterprise. I guess it’ll make it easier for both employees and employers to play more games with each other. Or, or, bear with me here, allow the status quo of buzzwords, SEO bait, and faux prestige to pollute the job scene. I promise I’m an optimist. Cynicism aside, the presentation was decent. Maybe I’m just being a salty little freelancer man person. Prolly.

That’s the first three days of this cross-country escapade and it’s quite chill so far. Next step is to partake of this lake action. And by lake action, I mean staring from afar as I can’t swim. Well I like to say I can not-drown because it’s true and 5% less pathetic. What’s more pathetic is that I can’t do daily entries. Welcome to summary city y’all. Next stop, Lantern Fests and creeper tests.