World’s largest grain of salt

Disclaimer: This is going to be a very honest yet extremely facetious post for the sake of comedy. Fragile egos should take the next exit.

I don’t always wake up to 25 Snapchats, but when I do, I know stirred some pots. I got quite a few inquiries about who BIT is and even a slight bit of incredulity from BIT herself. Clearly she didn’t know this whole BIT thing is really just an inside joke that I decided to create into a full narrative. That I’ll take the blame for. Admittedly I was keen on her, but she’s since shut me down and as far as I know we’re chill on the friends front. And that’s where things have been and will stay until further notice. That much is crystal clear to me. Though I imagine her concerns are more about expectation management than “Why can’t you take no for an answer?” I don’t secretly harbor feelings or have a hidden ploy to make us a thing in the future (or do I?). That shit is tacky.

If I only wanted to date her, I wouldn’t even have bothered to stay friends post-shutdown. I would have moved the fuck on to whoever and left it at that. Frankly, I need a break from women in general. Dating is a serious drain on the psyche (and wallet). I’m fine just hanging with the chill (sane) women I’ve met so far while focusing on Me V3.0. That’s pretty much the sitch and I like it a lot. No expectation, no pressure; just enjoying their presence. Doesn’t change the fact that I find BIT attractive and hilarious. That’s just how shit rolls, but there aren’t any feelings either way. If BIT and crew were gone tomorrow it wouldn’t change much. More time to finish this damn games at the very least. As for the aforementioned Snaps, suffice to say passive-aggressiveness is alive and well.

I knew this day would come eventually though. The day where I must make clear the purpose of this here blog and its implications. Now there’s been a handful of folks in my ear over the course of this endeavor that have effectively felt some type of way about some of my topics, characterizations, scenario explanation, and overall candidness. And I’m not attacking anyone or saying these people in question are wrong for feeling this way. I can’t control how others feel, but it must be understood that this space is my space. There is no accommodation or compromise for the thoughts expressed in this realm. It is what it is. If I’m triggering insecurities then I must be saying something truthful. There are plenty of blogs droning on about asinine topics out there. This is where keeping it real goes right.

That being said, everything within this space is not wholly indicative of what I believe. I like to dramatize various things, play up self-deprecation, and generally act a fool when I’m writing here. I spend a lot of time in serious mode writing ($$$) and frankly I have to let loose from time to time. Essentially, people shouldn’t bother trying to extrapolate my “true” thoughts from these posts. That’s the quickest way to a headache and some disappointment. These posts are a forum for my subconscious and a canvas for my thoughts. This is my therapeutic and cathartic archipelago. I’m just choosing to share my ramblings because I know I’m brightening someone’s day (so I’m told). I have a homegirl that told me she reads these on her lunch break as an escape from the madness of the office. Another friend of mine said he reads them out loud with some of his coworkers when they’re working late because the tone is on point. I regularly get Snaps of him and his buddies cracking up while he’s struggling to finish I sentence I wrote. And that’s a large motivator to know that I’m helping people by helping myself. It’s truly awesome.

Everything said on here I’d say to the faces of the people involved in those scenarios. It’s the internet. I know the stakes. All of the stories and situations I convey are done so in full understanding of the public sphere. That’s why the real life counterparts to these stories get epithets and nicknames. I’m not that much of a dick, I mean really. The only people that know, are the people that know.  That’s all that really needs to be said in the grand scheme of things. And if I really didn’t want anyone to find out, would I really be posting this shit on Facebook of all places?

I dunno, it’s weird. It’s akin to people believing beyond a shadow of a doubt that the jokes comedians tell are congruent with their personal beliefs. Sure, the good comedians make their act very personal in order for it to be genuine and relatable. Naturally they subscribe to parts of their act; kind of impossible not to. It’s a savvy business practice. People can tell when a story is pretty close to reality or some grandiose bullshit. People are dumb, but not that dumb. So, as an entertainer or wanna-be (me), we have to keep it 90% real.

At the same token, embellishment is the hallmark of comedy and creative writing in general. Sometimes vanilla life just isn’t that interesting. No sane and non-contrarian person is going to eat a topping-less taco with unseasoned meat. It’s just not going to happen. The 110% truth is sometimes boring as shit. Does that mean lying is the better alternative? No, because fake stories are just as bland. I am a subscriber of using the Renaissance painters’ rendition of this phenomena; commonly known as “artistic liberty.”  I utilize third-person commentary on my personal experiences which is then told narratively in first-person. Yes it sounds pretty dumb, but that’s the best explanation.

I don’t plan on making this a regular topic to return to because I believe everyone reading this has a sufficient amount of literary comprehension and a drawer full brain cells to extract the core of this post: chill the fuck out.