Nice Guys™ and criss-cut fries

I don’t always go to Chik-Fil-A, but when I do it’s magical af. I can probably count on one hand how many times I’ve been, but it’s always an experience. I never feels like I’m getting fast-food there. It just so happens they’ve adopted the model without misleading pictures. My Spicy Chicken sandwich (no tomatoes) looked like the picture. A rare moment in time where I appreciated the modern marvels of the world.  And that Chik-Fil-A sauce, ugh. With the criss-cut fries and cookies-and-cream shake? Bruh. Needless to say, ya boy was living the dream. Not to mention, I got me a booth spot in the cut where nobody could see me; heaven on earth fam. Although that level of privacy was primary, the secondary impetus for sitting in my cubby of justice was that there was this particularly bomb Latina woman chillin about three or four feet away at the other booth. She was fine y’all.

I caught some of her phone conversation that was in Spanish. Didn’t sound like she was chatting up her boyfriend or any male that would be a hindrance to my potential (nope) advances. Truth be told, I coped a few glances at her form then made out with my food and left it at that. Beyond a “what if” scenario I wasn’t really interested in even trying. Not for lack of confidence or fear of rejection, I legit didn’t want to bother or be bothered. I was perfectly content people watching in that crowded-ass venue. So many children were there to confirm that kids are not my thing (at least for now). Homegirl eventually got up and I got to complete my analysis. The fuego was all encompASSing, let me tell you.

Then she left and went on to do whatever extremely attractive women of Latin descent do. And I praised the creator of my shake for not making it so thick I’d suck myself into the straw. To me, this is the typical exchange and scenario when it comes to male-to-female infatuation. But too often have I heard about situations where some guys are very pushy, bordering on harassment. Personally I can’t really fathom the merits of such a strategy. It just seems so counter-intuitive and counterproductive.

“This woman is very attractive and I’d love to speak with her, potentially getting her number for further communication. Oh no, she rejected my advances. Hmm, I’ve got an idea! Maybe if I keep trying against her wishes and put on this murder face she’ll come around! And if she doesn’t she’s a shallow bitch that only wants to date muscle bound jerks with BMWs!”

Exaggerated, but this sentiment is communicated in regular fashion. I get it, it sucks to be rejected. Some women could be cooler about the method of rejection and could do with embodying some honest action, but she isn’t obligated to give someone the time of day because someone decided to make themselves visible in her periphery. Just like the man isn’t obligated to make a move on someone he fancies. Sometimes you gotta love these hoes from a distance. Jokes aside, there needs to be mutual respect in these engagements. Too often do I hear and I see this exchange horribly lopsided. Some men really can’t take no for an answer and once the woman gets firm about the situation, she becomes a bitch, ho, slut, etc. Totally unfair. The real unfair part is when a respectful man comes along and opens up with the same strategy, unbeknownst to the bullshit she’s experienced with such an opener, only to get shutdown immediately without recourse.

Yes, these clowns ruin it for the rest of us with functioning self-esteems and senses of respect. The assumption these Nice Guys™ make about those that choose not to accept their advances are pretty toxic. Such toxicity only serves to bolster the confirmation biases they live by. The notion that the only men women want to date are assholes who treat them like shit, but when a Nice Guy™ like them shows up they shit all over their efforts. They purposefully subscribe to pain and drama, so they deserve to suffer until they can admit they need their unending repository of love and warmth. Barf. Clearly these people are oblivious to the fact assholes come in many different flavors and forms. Grandiose or silent, assholes are assholes that share the same threads of indecency, narcissism, and inability to empathize with those that are different from them. Not every asshole is grunting loud as shit in the gym, driving lifted trucks, wearing TapOut shirts, and drinking Limeritas. Sometimes they’re hanging out in the mirror.

Even today, at the mall of all places, I spied the Nice Guy™ scenario take place. This brown skin honey was walking along minding her business then some random dude intentionally bumps into her and drops whatever bags he was carrying. She apologizes, asks if he’s okay. He says yes, it’s my fault I didn’t see you there. This is where the exchange should have ended under normal circumstances. Nope, dude tries to spit game and it was about a C+ honestly. He went for the sometimes-successful-if-she-thinks-you’re-cute yet forever cringey play. He goes “Wow you look great in those jeans, do you shop at so-and-so?” Weak. Homegirl tries to diffuse the situation by taking the comment in stride while motioning toward the Victoria Secret store because she knew what was about to go down. She hits him with “Ha? These old things? I can’t even tell you honestly. Uh, I have to go. I’m late meeting someone.” I give this a B+. She should have been more firm and less friendly in order to deter any further inquiries. But I respect her effort at being cordial, dude could be unstable.

Then he just goes all in with “Oh, looks like we should get you some new ones! Where’s your friend? We can help you look.” Man, that’s the steelo of a man that has very little to lose. That perseverance, unreal. So at this point homegirl is stuck and keeps glancing at the Victoria Secret store. Part of me wanted to go over and pose as the friend, but I decided against it. Wasn’t really my battle, but I kept an eye on ol dude in case he decided to pop off in a bad way. She then commits on her escape to Victoria Secret, placating Mr. Creep with some excuse involving bras and socks. This is where the episode ends right? Wrong. I shit you not, this guy waits a cool 15 minutes for this girl to come out of the store. I think she asked one of the employees to call mall security because a mall cop showed up to talk to ol dude. After a mini interrogation, he opts to leave. Homegirl emerges from the store straight shook. I felt so bad for her. Then I thought about how this scenario is a commonality for some women. Fuckin’ a.

Make no mistake, I’m not white-knighting here. Anybody can be a Nice Person™, I’ve met and been in situations with women who embodied this same behavior as though I owed them something for their existence and desire to be forward. I’ve heard stories of my homeboys and homegirls dealing with this type of behavior. It’s not gender specific. But it has to be understood that the level of danger and potential for something worse to pop off rests with women. That can’t be disputed or denied. Female predation by creepy and disrespectful dudes is a real consideration when my sistas (of all colors) are out here in the world. If I get approached by a girl that can’t take a hint, I’m more annoyed than scared. I have full knowledge that’s it’s unlikely the situation will escalate to a point where I feel my livelihood is in danger. Yeah she could cap my ass or shank me real quick, but that’s gonna be the fringe case. When the situation is reversed, so is the power dynamic. It’s just nature and physics. Of course you’re gonna have women that can defend themselves, but on the whole, things can go very wrong, very fast.

“But what about the girls that claim they like nice guys, but only go for the opposite? They claim there aren’t any nice guys anymore, but I’m standing right here!”

First off, being “nice” is one trait out many that women (and men) may seek; besides, “I’m not a dick” is the lowest denominator of criteria ever. If all someone can bring to the table is being “nice” then that’s not worth building a relationship around. Love isn’t “nice” all the time, relationships aren’t “nice” all the time. And what the fuck does “nice” even mean? Being a yes-person? Doing thoughtful things for a reward instead of genuine desire? Embodying bullshit Hollywood and Hallmark tenets of being a “nice” lover? I denounce all of that. I don’t want “nice.” I want respectfully real. I want somebody be in my corner to nurture my aspirations. I want somebody to call me on my shit. I want somebody to expand and challenge my perspective with wit and sarcasm on occasion. I want to discuss and experience tension with someone then work through it to arrive at a greater understanding of myself and “us.” I want somebody can do more than placate me with bullshit until they get what they want.

What these people that whine “but I’m nice, date me!” mean is akin to blind worship. Putting the object of their affection on a pedestal, where they can do no wrong so long as they are rewarded for their advances. Willing to defend stupid and malicious shit so long as they get a piece of that sweet validation from their “bae.” And this is what makes them “nice,” allowing someone to run rampant so long as they get a cut. This is the same, but opposite behavior that’s embodied when the Nice Person™ is rejected. It’s out of selfishness and feelings of entitlement. They’re owed affection because they can see what the object of their affection can do for them IF they can make them feel important. It’s purely transactional. Nevermind desiring to build something with someone based on common ground and mutual attraction in the interest of helping each other become the best versions of one another.

There’s 8 billion people on the planet, at least half of them are women (or men). Half of that half are eligible, able-bodied women. Half of that half are women within Creeper Chad’s demographic. Half of that half live within proximity of him. Then half of that half of that half would prolly give him the time of day. I mean really, there’s no excuse to take rejection so personal and to feel entitled to people’s time. The odds are too good to mope around projecting insecurities on people that have done nothing to deserve it. There’s someone for everyone, even if these dudes believe there isn’t. It’s never registered to me that if someone doesn’t reciprocate my interest that there’s something wrong with them and their whole sex. Like the whole of women are useless baby-birthing tit-bags because one said I was ugly. Seems legit.

I mean it would be awesome if the majority of women I went for would reciprocate, I won’t front. But then I have to think about how dangerous and boring that would be. Especially once I figure out I want nothing to do with them because beyond a fine face and/or frame, they . Everybody can’t be number one draft-pick, that’s why it’s called number one. Picks 2-99 didn’t measure up. These pity party folks need to cash some Reality Checks™ It’s hard enough just trying to live a life worth living without having to deal with some people thinking they’re owed restitution for effort. A trophy for attempting to give a fuck in spite of only wanting to fuck? Absolutely comedic. When’s the Netflix special?

Part 2 on the Friendzone can be found here