I’m just gonna say that Nioh is great, but also fuck that game in particular. 69 hours over the past 3 weeks, barely nothing else was played. My god. Just had to get that out off my chest.
I’ve been recently enjoying my new found space of solitude which happens to be outside. When someone thinks of a “quiet space” rarely do people think of something outside as that’s counter-intuitive right? Wrong my lovely people, absolutely wrong. It doesn’t really matter where this safe space (not to be confused with whiny shitters that don’t want to hear criticism at all) is located so long as it’s personal and conducive to my (and your) essence. Being a very introverted person, personal time to reflect and realign is essential. People are draining and being out in the world for too long among stimuli takes a toll on my spirit.
Generally it’s been my room that’s been the base of operations, but again, there’s a lot of distraction and noise (that I love on occasion). An alternative was needed for sure and I found it this week. I’ve been reading Introvert Power by Laurie Helgoe; I’m prolly about halfway through it and holy shit is it amazing. The way introversion and inside-life is characterized within the text makes it less alien overall.
I’ve a lot to say about the book, but I’ll save that for when I finish it. Anyway, there’s a section about basically building your dream space and what that all entails blah blah. Fun exercise, but the real take home for me was the discovery of a private place beneath the sun in the backyard. On a whim, I decided to have me some PBJ, milk, and a book (Helgoe’s). Of course I can’t be outside and leave the dog out to dry, so she joined me in all her crazy furriness. In a household with two and a half people (sister is here every other week) including the fact that my room is the main way to get to the backyard, privacy only exists from the time I wake up to about 5pm. And because I’m a useless bastard that loves sleep, that’s about 4 or 5 hours on any given weekday. And generally in that time span I’m scheming on job prospects, fielding interview calls, or playing video games. Then there’s a second wave of true privacy between midnight and 4am.
Back to me being outside with dog. So let’s say there’s legit 2 hours I have to really commune with myself and that usually get interrupted because life. Though I was fortunate enough to be spared this week on the annoyance side of things. So I’m outside eating my PBJ, sipping my bovine juice, reading my book while keeping an eye on this mutt then it hits me. It takes me about 45 minutes to realize, but I was actively communing with myself and exercising that inner power. Felt damn good too. I didn’t feel rushed, I didn’t feel pressured, or anything.
I was in the moment and enjoying that piece of time I found; effectively giving myself to time for a bit. Definitely refreshing and I had a slight epiphany. My type of seclusion doesn’t mean exclusion of nature or the elements. Or even denial of a particular space. Hell, even people can be present (though I prefer not). I was undisturbed and able to live in my own head for a bit, which is all I ever want living in this house full of extroverted people.
That’s not to say I can’t stand extroverted people or that they’re the worst, it’s really to say that how I operate in the world is antithetical to how they perceive things to operate. Somebody always has to know what I’m doing, which is a fair question to ask once a week, not everyday. And it’s not even a “How’s you’re day” type thing, it’s more of “Why aren’t you producing results and making it seem like you’re doing a lot” thing. As if I should be reciting a litany of things I do each day to satisfy a conscience that’s not even mine. I could be projecting, but I’ve no stock in seeking daily validation. I let people assume what they will.
I’m not obligated to divulge my daily routines and plans unless any of them are involved. And it’s not that I’m secretive or trying to hide things, frankly it’s just nunya bidness. So there’s this fun dance of pseudo-interrogation and talking at me I’m just passing through. It’s not that I don’t care…it’s more so that I don’t find value in asinine exchanges about shit that’s theoretical or so far removed from my sphere of empathy I can’t even fake-care about it.
I can’t truly empathize with some 3rd-cousin twice removed that I’ve never met. I also can’t empathize with repeated illogical decisions either. Yes it sucks they crashed yet another car you’ve decided to sell them dad, I get it.
Slight tangent there, but places of refuge are important. I’m a proponent of everyone, regardless of disposition on the personality affinity scale, have a private place to call their own. It can be a Jack in the Box for all I care. It just needs to be some place where you know you can go and feel empowered to be in your space. Now how long one stays in this place depends on the person obviously.
Introverted folks (me) will want and need significantly more time whereas my very extroverted peoples will need to get back into the fray. Still, time to reflect and internalize what’s going on in the world (and our individual worlds) is requisite to staying sane in on this crazy space rock. There’s really no excuse outside of laziness if someone claims to be unable to find such a place. I’ve used the bathrooms at work to get a reprieve from crazy ass coworkers. Take a 15 minute walk. Go sit in your car and blast some tunes for 10 minutes. I mean the possibilities are literally endless.
Great people throughout history didn’t sit around talking shit with friends 24/7. They valued that “me” time and it birthed some seriously revolutionary ideas. Can’t change the world talking about it all day with people. That triumvirate of me myself and I will forever be the council by which dreams, ideas, theories, and visions become tangible. Try curing cancer 7 drinks in at the bar with buddies. Most would be hard-pressed to cure the inevitable hangover. Then again who knows, maybe drunk solutions are visionary in their own right. This is the part where I put a quip about some famous person with a great drunk idea, but it’s 4am. Sue me.