Astrology and daddy issues for $350 Alex

You wouldn’t think daddy issues and astrology would be linked in anyway, but they certainly are. For reasons unforeseen of course. This going to be a very unorthodox post so bear with me. There’s not a lot I believe in because I’m a proponent of keeping things as simple as possible. I like to think of my belief system being comprised of a multitude of teaching from all corners of the Earth. Primarily east Asian religions/ways of life. They compliment my disposition pretty well. With that in mind, astrology itself is an interesting beast. It seems to be a very polarizing topic for some reason. You’ll meet people that swear by or you’ll meet people that think it’s a load of shit. But the joke’s on these extremists of zodiac signs: nothing is absolute on this spectrum.

The fact that these astrological entries can either be spot on or 1000 percent wrong makes me skeptical. It definitely has to do with the advent of confirmation bias: looking for things I already agree with (in regards to my personality) to be validated by some authority or doctrine. I’m a Capricorn (seagoat is best goat) and the consensus is that I’m predisposed to being very logical yet patient. I’ll grant them that. I am a sagely sum bitch. But then the negatives vary from overly pessimistic (largely untrue) to opposed to change/unimaginative (yeah no).  But that’s taking these things at face value as the law of my nature. Clearly that’s going to be room and a lot of leeway within these crackpot descriptions. Rarely successful is the task of boiling down someone’s existence to some shitty constellation.

That being said, I think it’s sort of fun to see the various permutations of compatibility wins and loses, career predictions, and the sex life analyses. Because that’s what everybody cares about. “Am I gonna be weak in bed?” Yes, yes you are because Saturn and Neptune got divorced or something. It’s all silly, but entertaining. I can definitely see the appeal in subscribing to these types of things. You can garner some deterministic value and also have a handbook to dealing with various people you may encounter. All that’s required is you ask them their birthday unprovoked. Then subsequently walk out mid-conversation because there’s no way in hell a Cancer could ever love a Libra (maybe?). It’s ridiculous.

Which brings us to our next topic of fathers and their impact, which is probably a no-brainer. But I’m talking about fathers in the context of their importance to their children and their families at large. There’s just something about “dad” that you’ll never get from mom. They’re willing to do the risky and retarded stuff that would never be a thing if mom is present. But that’s the best part. They teach you how to break the rules and not get caught. And that sometimes it’s okay to do dumb shit and explore consequences because how else are you gonna know not to jump off a flight of stairs into a pile of couch pillows? That dislocated shoulder beats a lecture any day.

It’s funny because for a very long time I wished my dad didn’t exist or just went away. We didn’t get along and I felt he didn’t want me around anyway so I figured that would be the perfect solution: for him to get ghost. Then as the years went on, the fights happened, the running away occurred (it was just around the corner, but I felt badass), tears of inferiority and frustration were shed, resentment festered, and finally it was all released. And at the very end of this spiral I was glad my dad stuck around because, ironically enough, I need him. A four word phrase I’ve never uttered until this year. On top of that, my beloved sibling would be bummed without Milk Dud head around. Watching them interact…it’s like watching the someone fight their reflection. A 46-year-old stubborn kid versus and an 11-year-old one. The best part has yet to come. I’m gonna need a lotttt more popcorn.

Not everyone is fortunate to have their fathers around, whatever reason that may be. And I’m sure many of those people would kill for a chance to have them in their lives again, better or worse. Just knowing you have that male figure around that has your back (hopefully) despite differences…there’s no real substitute for that type of asset. Yeah some people have dead-beat dads or fathers that want nothing to do with them etc etc, but even then I think there’s a level of solace to be gained knowing they’re out there (in person or in spirit).

Which brings up another point about a distinction that I often use when it comes to my own paternal figure. The notion of father and dad. A dad can be a father, but a father can’t be a dad (initially). Yes, it’s confusing. A father, for me, is the creator of a life through hanky panky and they provide for their child in every way possible to ensure they develop just fine physically. The child rarely wants for anything material. But emotional, homeboy is lacking. The severity depends on the man, but generally they’re unavailable. Often trying to placate those emotional needs with more material things, which doesn’t work for obvious reasons. Or they tried to connect emotionally with their child, got rejected because of their approach then resolved to say “fuck it,” doing the bare minimum for emotional development. Awesome.

Then you have dads, which may or may not be related to a child, but they can act in the capacity of fathers. The kicker is that they’re quite open emotionally, often opting to put the child’s emotional needs ahead of theirs. This then results in a tangible bond between the man and the child. A bond that only strengthens because of that initial connection. The dad watches the child grow, nurturing their interests, believing in their dreams, and supporting whatever passion the child jumps into (so long as nobody is getting hurt). At various difficult periods in the child’s life, dad is right there to lessen the stress and ease the pain. Basically dad provides and protects not only the physical well-being of child, but also the emotional well-being; nurtures both as mutually as possible. Fathers can certainly become dads through massive amounts of effort and dads can revert to fathers. But the thing that’s important is that this paternal figure is well-rounded enough to understand their role in their child’s life. Nobody’s perfect and for some men it takes them a long time to “get it.” But they all do eventually. Sometimes its too late, sometimes it’s just in time.

It’s honestly too late for my father and me to have a relationship that’s not superficial because that ship’s long sailed. We’re just two different people. Just like two different zodiac signs are doomed to fail because of arbitrary rules. A meaningful emotional relationship between us will never be a thing for a whole host of reasons, but I’m resolved to that fact. So to me, he’s simply my father. But where  he can be a dad is to my sister and to his credit, he’s been doing that pretty well. Albeit she’s running him ragged and I find him passed on the couch at 8pm way too often, but that’s a sign of him trying. I’m content with watching their relationship develop. At least one of his kids got the man to feel. Also where the hell is my Leo, Taurus, and/or Virgo?