Behind the scenes for $500 Alex

“Any leads today?” What an excellent conversation piece. Please do remind me of the last 100 applications I’ve filled out being wastes of time. You just know exactly what to say oh father of mine. But I’ll humor you. No, there aren’t any leads. I mean I have leads every week, but I’m gonna sit here and give you the play by play for each rejection email. It’s bad enough I have to read those daily, much worse telling you nobody wants to hire me at a livable wage. I want to be under your roof much less than you believe. I’ll be gone soon bruh, just be patient. Or kick me out, whichever is more convenient.

Isn’t it funny how you can feel awkward tension in the air? It’s the craziest thing. You just know something stupid is about to happen. Or someone has a really asinine comment they’re dying to say because it seems so relevant to the situation at hand. Patting themselves on the back and shit for their cleverness. Welcome to the musings of a part-time asshat ladies and gentlemen. I can’t really blame my “roommates” though. They just want to help, in their own weird and borderline unhelpful way. I prolly should try to empathize with their point of view more often instead of being a snide little bitch about it. It’s so entertaining though.

The crux of my frustration has to be the belief that I’m literally doing nothing all day. Not sure how you can deduce the events of my days when you barely get an hour of face time with me. That face time being when I’m in the middle of a game or typing up a storm, but still. I’m busting my balls for an exit strategy, believe me. I made a decision (slightly regrettable) to come back to LA and figure shit out because of my lovely support system. But even I couldn’t predict how difficult it would be to secure something substantial out here. 2 and a half years ago, I was on my way to NorCal after squatting at home for less than 3 months. The complete opposite is true now and it’s pretty lame. So yes I am playing video games majority of the day, but that’s only after I’ve spent 5 hours job hunting, following up for interviews, and occasionally scouting on site opportunities. The effort is there, the results are not…sort of.

Fuck. I’m getting salty just thinking about all of this. You know what’s the worst thing in the world? The absolute pinnacle of torture?

Wanting something you can’t have.

You know what I want? I want out. I want to live. I want to be free. I want a Camaro. I want to upgrade my computer. I want to start my 401K, Roth IRA, and play with stocks/bonds/dividends. I want to get started on my media/production company. I want to take impromptu trips. I want a blowjob and some French toast. I mean the list goes on. But the common thread here, for most of these things, is that I’m in no real position to see meaningful progress. Money enables all this bullshit and guess what? I’m not made of it. So fuck me and my dreams for now. Focus must be centered on the first step: legitimate employment.

And so begins my rant on the employment situation and how millennials are getting fucked 5 ways to Sunday. College degrees are equivalent to what high school diplomas were back in the day. Without one, you’re at a serious disadvantage. Sure, you can be successful without a college education; many people have and are evidence of that. There will always be outliers and prodigal folks that revolutionize something into a money machine. But for the rest of us simpletons, degrees get you in the door so you can finesse your way to financial security. I feel like experience matters more, but how do you get experience without experience? Whoever figures that out will be the next billionaire. Once this messiah comes up with a solution and process to measure people’s potential without copy-pasta interview questions, society will be the better for it.

Gone are the days of staying at one company for 30+ years, working your way up the ladder. The best way for upward mobility now is to job hop. The competition is too fierce, everybody and their grandma has a bachelor’s degree (or seniority), and without having solid connections you’re boned. To me, education is a means to an end. The end being financial mobility. I don’t believe college is for everyone and it’s really a travesty that trades aren’t being jockeyed as heavily as coercing 18-year-old high school grads into $50k+ worth of debt. I believe I was built for college, but honestly I wish I went to a community college first to truly solidify what I wanted out of a profession. I probably wouldn’t be in this situation or maybe I would, who knows. Point is, I think I fucked up in a profound way that could have been prevented with some time to reflect on what I wanted out of my post-high school life.

Then again I wouldn’t have had the experiences of university life (dorms, under-age drinking, internalizing responsibility) that have shaped the scumbag I’ve become. I do wish I could view alternate endings to various chapters of my life like a video game…and so does everyone on this Earth. I think it would be nutty to watch those scenarios play out. Could be like a birthday event. Once a year you can replay all of your life’s choices that year and choose different options. Oh god, I think suicide rates would skyrocket. Which isn’t a bad thing. It’s getting crowded on this space rock. We need another famine or epidemic; start culling off some of these people. Get back down to like 4 or 5 billion people. Maybe Bill Burr was onto something with his cruise ship sinking scheme.